Welcome fellas. Today, I’d like to dive into what might be a very interesting topic, and that’s the concern a lot of men have about ‘looking gay’ if they start dressing better. Now, before you get offended, stick with me for a few minutes. So quick sidebar, it’s been brought to my attention a few times recently that there are actually a few women that subscribe to this channel and watch my videos, so I wanted to recognize the ladies and say thank you and I appreciate you being here.
Okay, I’ve been thinking about how to make this video for a little while now. It actually stems from another video I made, which you may have seen, called ‘style mistakes older guys make trying to look youthful’. That video took off and went kinda viral and in case you haven’t seen it, I’ll drop a link up here. The comments I received on that video were actually pretty shocking. I had no idea that video would trigger so many guys, but I think the issue is that a lot of those guys are seeing themselves as the ‘mistake’. And look, we’re not curing cancer over here, we’re just talking about clothes. And all I’m trying to do with every video I make is provide suggestions and alternatives to help guys look better and feel better.
So, a lot of the comments I got revolved around guys either saying they don’t care what other people think of them and that I dress gay. So, let’s address the gay thing right now. When people call me gay in the comments, they’re obviously hoping it’ll hurt somehow. The thing is, calling someone gay doesn’t carry weight anymore. My reaction is usually, ‘Thanks for the compliment, but no, I’m not’. I very much like women. And, just so we’re clear with my stance on all this, love is love my friends. Some of the coolest, happiest and most genuine people I’ve ever met are gay.
So, how does paying attention to the way you look somehow automatically indicate that you’re gay? I just don’t get it. And, if you’re starting to dress better, why would you even be concerned about it? If you’re single and trying to date women, that’s a way better place to spend your mental energy. There’s a lot of competition out there. I think the general consensus would be that professional athletes, like football players are pretty manly, right? These guys absolutely care how they look and they spend ridiculous amounts of money on their clothing and grooming. To me, it’s a self-respect thing. Look, I have a lot of confidence in a lot of areas of my life. And paying attention to how I present myself doesn’t mean I’m looking for approval from anybody else. It just means I care about myself enough and those around me enough to give a little effort.
Maybe it’s a feminine thing? Please, leave me a comment and let me know what your take is on all this. Maybe it’s more a concern of, ‘if I wear nicer shoes I might look feminine’.. Really? Do you see how ridiculous that sounds? Listen guys, like I’ve said before, if you’re happy with what you’re doing, that’s totally cool. But if you default to saying you wear whatever you want because you don’t care what other people think, while I respect the attitude, go ahead and wear a purple tutu to the job-site tomorrow. Or wear a garbage bag to the office. Oh, and by the way, if you really do wear a tutu, upload a picture somewhere and drop a link to it down in the comments so we can see it. Or send me a DM on Instagram. That would be awesome!
Look, the fact is, men are just as manly as we’ve always been. But more and more men today are just taking better care of themselves. They’re dressing better, grooming better, cutting their fingernails more often, getting regular haircuts and even taking care of their skin. Now, you might not be into it, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong or feminine or gay to want to take care of yourself. Like I said earlier, there’s a lot of competition out there and if you have an advantage over the next guy, you win.
So look, I think the point I’m trying to make here is dressing better will not make you look gay or straight or anything. Dressing better will only make YOU look better and feel better. So fire away, I’d love to hear your thoughts down in the comments. Thank you very much for spending some time with me today and if you haven’t already, I hope you’ll consider subscribing to my YouTube channel because I’m here twice a week. Anyway, I’ll see you very soon with a brand new video and until then, take care of yourself.
I’m a 51 year old straight, Latino male, who is happily married with kids. I love this site and have been a follower on the YouTube channel for awhile as well. My wife and those around me know that I’m pretty manly, but yet all have also complimented me on my dress and appearance lately. I’ve learned a lot of great tips from 40overfashion! Women do, in fact, appreciate men who take care of themselves and have pride in looking better. Don’t we as men also appreciate and are more attracted to women who look and dress better?
Thank you for your kind words, and well said!
Great topic! I myself work in an office at a very blue-collar manufacturing company. There are many times I’m out on the shop floor dealing with things when I will get a comment from one of the guys, something like, “hey, do they make those for men”? Honestly it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m almost 51 and fully secure in my own skin. I think there are just men out there that are still stuck with the mindset that to be a man you have to dress a certain way. More rugged. I think the thought is that real men shouldn’t have to put effort into dressing. In Europe and many other countries it’s not an issue. America… we’re still a little behind.
Good point! Thanks!
You’re good!! I like this video a lot!!
Thank you!
I’m a guy who just turned 70 with 2 grown children and happily married. I’ve been heavy (overweight) all my life and a few years ago lost about 100 pounds. I enjoy dressing better for both casual and dressy occasions. I very much like listening to your videos and paying attention to your opinions. While I still would not wear jeans as you do, I find many of your opinions practical in part for me.
With respect to this video, my feeling is that people who use “gay comments” as a negative I believe that they are uncomfortable with the fact that others care about their own appearance or are really uncomfortable about their own. Pay no attention to the “noise”!
Thanks Mike!
Since when is “gay” the opposite of “manly”? Some of the most manly men I know are gay: cops, lawyers, landscapers, plumbers, and everyone else. And some of the straight men I know are anything but rugged. Please, let’s retire this notion that gay equals effeminate.
Agreed!
Well, I am gay…and I still find the comments about dressing well=gay to be more an excuse at laziness than at anything else. At 67, I continue care enough to want to have control over how I present myself to others–even though I’m retired, and really don’t “have to” anymore. I came of age in the business world of the 1980s in Los Angeles and New York and Dallas, a time when almost all men in that sphere did care about how they looked. Back then, it wasn’t just a personal thing…oftentimes, neither your ideas nor your opinions were taken seriously unless you also took your appearance seriously. It is still that way in much of Europe. Having just gotten back from Zurich where the men—mostly straight, I assume—are amazingly well-dressed and put together, it is always somewhat off-putting to see the lack of care most American men put into themselves these days. I’ve heard all the comments about “not dressing to need other’s approval”…but I find it odd that so many men here care very much about “presenting” themselves by the car that they drive, yet once they step away from that car they look like they came in from doing yard work.
Very true Andy! Thanks for your comment!
Hey! I’m 62 and all these years I have cared about how I look and smell. I’m married for the last 38 years and my wife has also been particular about it. Any day I dress sloppy she makes me change and I respect her wishes. After all I do care about her appearance and turnout and I guess she is entitled to see that the guy she goes out is not an eyesore. I also find that others acknowledge and respect someone who is well dressed and smells good.
I agree 100% with your views and I feel you should go on with the good work you are doing.
Good luck and God be with you!
Thank you very much for your comment! I’m glad you both work together as a team!
Best to you both!
I just discovered your channel, and I’ve been subscribed to it on Youtube for awhile. I’ve watched some of your videos also. Love the ideas you give here about dressing. Especially, when one considers how to wear patterned pants. I tend to stick with the basic colors: royal blue or blue, tan, brown, black, green, light blue, grey. These colors are typically conservative, business dress colors. Especially, if you match a light blue, laundered button down shirt with a pair of grey chinos from B&R. The brands I wear are Banana Republic, Brooks Brothers, and I subscribe and wear fashions for men as advertised by the British magazine The Rake. I was a model or fashion model in my thirties, so dressing nicely is not strange to me. I also have my shirts made by a company I use called Proper Cloth. They are headquartered in New York, NY. I am from West Hartford, Connecticut. Thank you for having such a great Youtube Channel for men and men’s fashion. Marc
Thank you Marc!