Break the Touch Barrier
So, Let’s get right into it with the very first thing you can do on a date to help win her over… and it’s breaking the touch barrier, especially in a crowd. Touch is a big one and there’s several reasons why it’s important. Firstly, security. Let’s say you’ve been married for 25 years and the two of you are out to dinner, or at a lounge for drinks. Touch let’s her know you’re paying attention to her and that she means something to you.
It also sends the signal to other people that you’re involved and that you’re together. Because if you’re just sitting across the table and not fully engaged with her, you might as well be her brother or a co-worker. If you’re fully engaged in conversation with your partner and your body language is also indicating that, she feels more secure. Because if your body language is closed off to her but open to the room, it’s sending the signal that you’re available and not fully into who you’re with. And if you don’t think she can pick up on that, she can.
Touch lets her know you’re glad to be there
I get it though, because if you’ve been with someone for a long time, it’s easy to forget those subtle details. And, if you’re on a date situation with someone new, she’s nervous. Hell, you’re both a little nervous. Breaking the touch barrier is one way to let her know that you’re glad to be there. Because If you guys aren’t touching each other in some small manner during the course of the date, there’s tension and you both feel it. And if you’re just trying to be polite and hands-off, you’re running the high risk of placing yourself in the friend zone.
I’d suggest going in for a hug right when you meet up. If it seems awkward, maybe do a side hug with one arm, but if at all possible, break the touch barrier right away with a short hug right when you greet. A couple other ways you can break the touch barrier is to touch her during conversation to make a point or to emphasize something. Like… “Holy smokes… I’ve gotta tell you what happened last week!” Depending on how you’re sitting or standing, it might little be a touch on the forearm below the elbow or the upper arm. That can also wake her up a little bit and you’ll have her full attention.
Another way to break the touch barrier is to hold her hand. So, say you’re at a restaurant waiting for your table. Maybe you’re in the bar having a cocktail when you get notified your table is ready. You can take her hand and lead her to the table. If she pulls away or lets go, she might not be ready for that, or maybe it was just awkward because she was carrying her drink and her purse. You have to gauge this stuff, and whether or not she’s comfortable, but if you have the opportunity, there’s nothing wrong with trying.
Before I continue, I wanna let you know that what I’m sharing with you in this video isn’t stuff I’m just dreaming up myself. I naturally do a lot of these things already, but when I was planning this video, I asked several different women their opinions on this topic. Two of them I had just met 20 minutes prior, so they weren’t holding back. There were a few common things that got repeated by most all of them, so what I’m conveying are real suggestions from real women. I just wanted to put that out there for context.
Refill her glass, with permission
Another thing you can do, is if the two of you are sharing a bottle of wine over dinner or appetizers, refill her wine glass, with permission. That’s the key here because you need to ask her permission if you can pour more wine for her. Chances are she’ll say yes, but if you do it without asking, it looks like you’re trying to get her drunk, and that’s just kinda creepy.
Order something new
Let’s say you meet at a bar, or maybe after dinner you guys leave and go get a cocktail somewhere else. Ask if you can order something for the both of you that neither one of you have ever had before. This is like a leap of faith that you’re both taking together. It’s a fun adventure. And if you’re at a nicer bar, you can ask her what she normally likes, and say,…. if it’s vodka based, you can ask the bartender or mixologist to make something THEY recommend using vodka. This way it’s a complete surprise and you can have a good laugh about it and also maybe find your new favorite drink that you discovered together.
Alright, let’s pause on dinner and drinks for a minute and talk about how you dress on this adventure. Style and how you carry yourself is a very important element in winning her over. Because in her mind, number one, she sees that you look great. But she also notices that you paid attention to selecting your attire, your accessories and even your fragrance. Instead of showing up in old jeans and a t-shirt, you took a little more time to select the right pair of pants, the right shoes, the right shirt, the right watch and the right fragrance.
That doesn’t go unnoticed my friend. Women, as you already know, are very observant. They put in a lot of effort to look presentable for you, and they notice when you put in effort for them. They also notice accessories like your watch, your glasses, your sunglasses, your wallet, your keys, your phone case and any rings you might be wearing.
And, it isn’t so much that she notices that stuff because she’s interested in it, but it’s more that she’ll notice if things appear off. Let me explain…. If you’re all suited and booted, and you pull out a Velcro spider-man wallet with duct tape holding it together, or if you’re carrying 25 keys like your high school Custodian, or if you’re wearing a neon pink watch from 1994. In the context of your overall appearance, it just looks off, right?
I’m not saying that you can’t inject some personality into your accessories, but I might avoid the Superman t-shirt until she’s able to warm up to your personality a little more. Because remember, if this is someone new, she doesn’t have the privilege of knowing you yet, and because the topic today is how to win her over, it’s best to not shock her with something that could potentially be misunderstood.
Be a good listener
The next way you can win her over is to pay attention when she’s talking. Be a good listener and if she starts talking about a situation with a bitchy co-worker, or some drama going on with her sister… Just listen. Don’t try to solve her problems and don’t try to fix it. This is a tough one for me because as a man, I want to fix things. And I can probably come up with 9 different ways to handle the situation and fix the problem. And I’m sure a lot of YOU can relate. But for the most part, that’s not what she wants.
She wants to know that you hear her, and understand her, and have her back. I have to stop myself from trying to fix things all the time, because in my simple mind.. and I might speak for for the majority of the male population here, but if you’re telling me you have a problem, I have to assume that you want that problem fixed. That’s not always how it works though my friend. However, if the toilet is leaking, that’s a problem she wants you to fix.
Don’t look at other women
Here’s another biggie, and it sorta gets back to paying attention and being fully engaged in your time with her. And it’s to not look around at other women that might be in the room or walking by. There isn’t much that’ll kill the mood faster that HER catching YOU staring at another woman’s ass. I mean, come on. Imagine sitting with a woman enjoying a nice evening only to watch her constantly looking at guys walking by. After a while, if it continues, it’s a little pathetic and it’s time to leave. That’s how she feels. Even if you think you’re pretty good at being sneaky about it, she can tell.
Lastly gentlemen, and this one should go without saying, but open the door for her. Weather it’s the car door, or an entry door.. hold the door for her and be a gentleman. And hopefully this will never go out of fashion. Because for me, at my age, I will always believe that opening doors for women is a quality foundation as deep as the bedrock that my fathers before me stood on as they made their way generation after generation.
It’s true, I have old school values and I won’t apologize for it. The younger generations might believe something different, but for me, it’s all about getting back to simple beliefs of treating others as you would like to be treated. And if you keep a little bit of that mind-set with you, you’ll be okay.