Here’s a quote I read from Oprah; “Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet. It is the root of more unhappiness than poverty, disease and erectile dysfunction. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be. How many of us have become drunks and drug addicts, developed tumors and neuroses, succumbed to painkillers, gossip and compulsive cell-phone use, simply because we don’t do that thing that our heart, our inner genius, is calling us to do? Resistance defeats us.”
When I read that, I knew I had to put it in a video at some point, and when I started writing the outline for this video, it fit perfectly. So perfectly in fact, that I got a little emotional once I really started to think about what she said, because it’s true. But instead of letting resistance take over and consume us, I’d rather take this opportunity to kick resistance straight in the teeth and work on self-confidence so we can all live the lives we were meant to. So stay with me and we’ll cover several things you can do to increase your own self confidence.
First things first. No more negative self talk. I’ve mentioned this before in other videos, but use this as your guideline; If you wouldn’t say it to your friend, you don’t get to say it to yourself. “You’re such an idiot! I can’t believe how stupid you are! How could you be so dumb! You’re such a looser!” Sound familiar? If so, I need you to knock that off right now because if I was your friend and you said that shit to me, I’m no longer your friend.
So then why do we say these things to ourselves? I mean, we all get pissed and we all do it, but if you hear yourself beating yourself up like that on a regular basis, you’re causing harm. You’re in control of you, and if you continually call yourself stupid, pretty soon you might start to believe it. So the next time it happens, stop it.
Focus on what you’re Good at
The next thing I want you to do is to focus on what you’re good at. We’re all good at something, whether it’s DIY projects, or volunteering, or mechanics, or tutoring others, or playing chess. We’re all good at something, so start focusing on those things, and do more of it. If you’re better than most at something, you have a skill. And that skill is something to be very proud of. Even if you don’t think it’s big deal or a significant skill, it’s something you’re good at, and nobody can ever take that away from you. If you have to, tell yourself, “I’m good at this”.
Confidence in the bedroom
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Say YES to new opportunities
The next way to recover your confidence is to say YES to new opportunities. I’ve talked about this before also and shared some stories of my personal experiences when I made a conscious decision to start saying YES more often. Now listen, Confident people are more open to trying new things. You never know who you might meet, or what amazing experiences you might have when you say YES to more opportunities, because as I’m sure you’re well aware, “Life begins on the other side of your comfort zone”.
List your achievements
The next thing I want you to do, is to make a list of the achievements you’ve already made. Write down all the things you’re proud of. All the things you’ve done. Awards you’ve won or milestones you’ve reached. If you’re in your 40’s or older and still breathing, I KNOW you’ve lived…. and I know you have achievements, and I know you’ve accomplished a few things. So Write them down. The more you sit with those thoughts and be proud and really recognize what you’ve achieved, it’ll help shift your mindset because achievements help fuel the fire of your own confidence.
Next, I’d like you to set some goals. Now, these don’t have to be big, fat, hairy, audacious goals. But start by setting a few goals you can reach, with some effort. I mean, setting a goal of checking the mailbox today won’t quite cut it. The goal has to be within reach but it should also take some effort to get there. For example, I reached a goal a few weeks ago with my YouTube analytics that I’ve been trying to reach for about 7 or 8 months. I finally reached it and it felt great.
But, instead of setting a new giant goal to double those analytics, (even though I actually have), my primary goal is to maintain that stat for the next 3 months. It’s a smaller goal, it’s within reach, it’s do-able, but it’s something I still need to work at otherwise it won’t happen. Reaching small goals like that feels good because I did it all by myself. And the better you feel about yourself for hitting a goal, the more confident you become.
Work on your health
Next is to work on your health. This is a biggie for me because I used to be pretty fit and over the last two years, my weight has yo-yo’d up and down several times. So look, if you don’t do anything currently, commit to walks every day, or at least 4 to 5 times a week. Try to get as close to 10,000 steps a day as you can. I walk a few miles almost every morning and it’s something I like to do for myself before I get into work mode. I’ll zone out on Joe Rogan podcasts or audio books. And it’s a way for me to clear my head, think about my day, and get some of those creative juices flowing.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Lastly, I want you to stop comparing yourself to other people. Especially when it comes to social media. Don’t believe everything you see. Because what you ARE seeing, are only the best moments that have been hand picked, or in a lot of cases, completely made up. I don’t post on Instagram nearly as much as I should, but that’s because I lead a pretty boring life.
I mean, I sit at my computer and work in my pajamas all day. I talk to a camera a few times a week and go out for dinner and wine on the weekends. But other than that stuff, it’s a pretty regular existence. But I will say, because I’m in the lifestyle space with a lot of other very popular guys with large audiences, It’s easy to get caught up and compare myself what they have, or the cool things they get to do, or the cool places they get to see. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.
I’m right where I’m supposed to be on my path. I believe in myself, and I believe in all of you. You are the reason I get up every day and work. You are the reason I make videos where I cry like a baby and bare my soul. And you are the reason I keep going. Without all of you, I’m not sure where I’d be. And with that my friends, live well, and I’ll see you in the next one.