Okay, let’s jump right in. The very first thing she sees, or he, whatever you’re into because love is love. But the very first thing they see is your photo. This was the #1 complaint the ladies at my house couldn’t stop talking about. Way too many shirtless photos, either at the gym, in your bathroom with a huge mess of laundry and crap in the background and smudges all over the mirror.
Or another one was the way too close, close-up of your face. Or you laying down on your bed, or you holding a dead animal of any kind. Another complaint was all the guys with sunglasses and a hat on in every photo except the last one showing that you’re bald.
Just so we’re clear, there’s nothing wrong with being bald. Bald is beautiful my friend. But if it looks like you’re trying to hide it, that’s gonna turn her off. Another complaint was too many “Bro” shots with guys in their 40’s looking like frat boys…… Listen….. if you’re just trying to hook up, that’s fine. But for the sake of this video and since most of my audience are dudes between about 35 & 65, I’ll assume that you’re using dating apps to help find someone that you can be in a relationship with. And, potentially progress that into something more.
This is Your First Impression
A lot of what I’m saying here is tough love, but someone needs to say it. The photos you choose are your first impression. No more mirror selfies or car selfies. If you workout and you’re fit, we can tell that through your clothes. There’s no need to flex in the mirror because if you do, she thinks you’re either a douche, or too high maintenance. A better option is to get a friend to take a few photos of you full length in good light, or spend a few bucks and hire a local photographer. Because people need to see more than just your face.
Wear clothes that are age appropriate and that fit you correctly because you should be showing your potential matches that you’re a man, not a boy. Once again with some tough love, but I’m assuming you’re here because you’re looking for a relationship, not a hook up. Although, this video could help with both.
Okay, once you got your pictures sorted out, your Bio might need work. But I will say, she’s not gonna read your bio if your pictures are crap. Admit it, you do the same thing. Your Bio needs to have something written by you. Don’t have your bio blank, use a funny Meme, or only have quote written by someone else. You don’t have to write a book my friend, but tell people who you are. Include your hobbies and things you are working on and what you enjoy.
Avoid the trap of being negative and only writing about things you don’t like. Also, please, avoid politics in your bio. There’s plenty of time later to figure that stuff out. This should go without saying, but use proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Because that’s another big turn off.
It’s a Numbers Game
Gentlemen, it’s all a numbers game. I’ll get more into how you can increase your odds, and how to turn your messages into meet-ups in just a minute, but I do want to say a few words about today’s video sponsor, Tiege Hanley. Because, if you want to look better in your photos, and in person, you’ve gotta try the uncomplicated men’s skin care from Tiege Hanley. Listen, if you want to look your best for as long as possible, you already know that taking care of your skin is a big deal.
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Be Patient & Don’t Get Butt Hurt
Like I mentioned a minute ago, it’s a numbers game, so if your goal is to meet people, you have to do what you can to stand out. Most guys aren’t taking the time or making the effort to take better photos or work on their bio’s, but you are. You also have to be patient and understand that the person you just matched with has also matched with like 30 other guys. So.. at this point, when you send her a message, you’re just another one in her inbox who she doesn’t know yet.
Also keep in mind that that person has a life, and most likely isn’t in her inbox every minute of every day. If she doesn’t message you back right away, don’t take it personally and get all butt hurt about it. She doesn’t know how amazing you are just yet. You know it, and I know it, but she doesn’t yet. You have to show her.
Here’s How To Message
When you do eventually match and send a message, do not send the one word that all women hate, “Hey” or; “How’s your week going?” Come on man… you can do a lot better than that. Customize the message for them. Comment about something in their bio and ask questions to start a back-and-forth conversation. For example, if there’s a photo of her on a beach somewhere, you can say something about that photo that reminds you of the time you vacationed in Mexico and had the most amazing Margarita and table-side-made guacamole you’ve ever had. That’s a conversation starter that not many dudes are gonna do.
Don’t Ask Too Many Questions
She might message back something about the photo being taken in Miami where she stayed for a week and how great it was. Then you come back by saying you’ve never been to Miami (or maybe you have), and ask her what her favorite part of the trip was and if she’d ever go back. She might say; “Oh absolutely! The xyz was the best beach I’ve ever seen and if I went back I’d like to have more time to go see…” fill in the blank.
See? This is natural back & forth conversation and getting to know someone. However, you don’t want to consistently be the one asking too many questions because now it’s an interrogation not a conversation. Strive for a balance of questions and answers from both sides.
Switch to Messaging Off the App
After several back & forth exchanges, and if things seem to be going well, ask to message off the app. You make the first move by giving her your phone number and saying; “Hey, I’d rather move the conversation off the app if you’re OK with that, here’s my number. If you’re interested in continuing the conversation, feel free to reach me here.”
From there, after a few text conversations back-and-forth, ask for a phone call. Because you need to find out whether or not she can hold an actual conversation, and I can guarantee you, she wants to know the same thing from you. Real time conversation is an important part of determining whether or not you guys have a dynamic and are even compatible with one another.
Ask to Meet In Person
From there, if you want to ask her out for an in-person meet, don’t just ask; “Hey, would you like to meet up for a drink sometime?” That doesn’t cut it my friend. You need to be decisive and say something like; “Hey, I know a really fantastic Italian restaurant that I think you would love because you mentioned you love gnocchi. How does Saturday at 6:00 sound?” If social distancing is an issue, try FaceTime. Or agree to go get take-out and sit in a park at a picnic table together.
Make it Easy for Her to Say Yes
Once again my friend, it’s a numbers game. Because I can guarantee you, her other matches are asking her to meet up as well, so it’s in your best interest to be top of mind by making a good impression and asking for a face to face. Also, if you guys do agree to an in-person meet, try to make it convenient because it’s probably a lot easier for you to head out somewhere than it is for her. I mean, she’s gotta tell her friend that she’s meeting up with you and text her your photos. Then she’s gotta do her hair and send her friend selfies of her outfit and shoes to make sure she looks cute. My point is this, it’s a time commitment for both of you, and if you’re the one planning it, you just gotta make it easy for her to say yes.